Finding my footing...

As I type this, our troupe is in the middle of the busiest performance season we have had in of years. By mid-March, we will have had eight performances in three weeks, when in the previous months we had closer to one performance every eight weeks. And as I type this, my co-director Renee is about ready to bring her new daughter Rose into the world, and has been on maternity leave since the beginning of the year. One would think this was a recipe for head-exploding or rock-crawling-under or possibly both simultaneously.

But instead, I am feeling refreshed, challenged, rewarded. And it's a pretty exciting time for yours truly, to be honest.

In a previous post I talked about discipline and setting up structures in our life to support success, and then outlined my Game Plan in 2010. And I am already seeing the results of these structures, as they are helping me to handle a large volume of unexpected responsibilities with relative ease (yeah, I know I just jinxed it ;).

Last week our troupe participated in four performances alone, and each one was an incredible testament to my beautiful dance sisters' skills and professionalism. They really have been amazing, stepping up to the new challenges and delivering performances with grace, power, and beauty. They are the real reason these shows are a success. But as any director knows, each of those performances translated into a zillion little details that had to be discussed, tracked, and followed up on. And for those who don't know what role directors play in the life of a performance, here is a little breakdown.

Discipline: Forming Good Habits

Here follows some rambling about making this year a better year, this decade a better decade, through new habits...

Okay confession time: I have never been a very disciplined person. To be honest, and this is maybe gonna sound haughty, but as I was growing up, most things I was presented with came pretty naturally to me. Whatever I put my mind to, mentally or physically, I managed to do at least passably well. I had really fabulous parents who were always encouraging me and making new opportunities available to me, and in return I tended to deliver on those opportunities with awards, certificates, and good grades. But frankly, so long as I was delivering on the expectations put before me, nobody took a look at how it was that I was achieving what I was achieving. Nobody was looking at the habits I was forming. Namely: almost none. I didn't have to study much to get A's and B's. I didn't practice as much as I could for my choir performances, my clarinet solos, or roles in plays, but managed to know my lines and put on a decent show. So who was going to raise a fuss?

While I was above average, I wasn't really pushing myself to the upper limits I was capable of. It was easier to occupy a space below or outside of my greatest potential, rather than do the extra work to really achieve all I was capable of. This acceptable mediocrity was the timbre of my life's pursuits, and it bled into my habits in my everyday life as I grew to adulthood. The house is "clean enough"; it's not like anyone is coming over today. My organization of my files is fine; I can find everything if I dig for a little while. Sure I have some free time right now, but I have enough clean clothes to get me through the week, so that pile of laundry can wait. And the list goes on. But frankly, those little things start to pile up and weigh on you over time. I can attest, it is a demoralizing feeling to look around and realize that for the longest time you haven't cared enough to do a few little things that would have made such a difference in your attitude and your daily experiences.

So today when I look around at my life, I want more for myself! I want to be more proactive. I want to take those little extra steps daily that build into long-term gains. I have the potential to achieve more than I currently have, in my domestic life, my business, and my creative outlets. So why is it so hard to motivate myself to make change, even tiny little ones? Because I haven't established habits which support the basic structure I imagine for my ideal life. I am out of practice with regard to how to set up a system of support for MYSELF. How did I get to 35 and not have these skills? I look back and see that I was always doing just enough, but never all that I was capable of. This year is a year to jump on the motivation train and finally step up and defend myself against myself. It's time to make some new habits. It's time to be more disciplined.