Next session of classes: NEW TUESDAY CLASS!

Well, the end of the year always skips by so quickly, and before you know it, a new year is upon you. Here I am, staring 2011 square in the face already, and January will bring some fun new dance opportunities, it so happens.

All the class details are available at http://www.doubletakebellydance.com/p/classes.html

NEW TUESDAY CLASS
A new Level 1 class will begin January 11th, at the beautiful m'illumino studio in the Roosevelt area of Seattle. 7:30-8:30pm weekly, come join us!

ONGOING THURSDAY CLASSES
Level 1 and Level 2.5 will continue on Thursday evenings, at 8pm and 9pm respectively, beginning January 13th.  Level 1 Foundations will get you moving and grooving from the first class, while 2.5 is a challenging look into what lies beyond level 1, and is open to mixed level dancers. If you have a couple sessions of Level 1 under your belt, and want to try on some new moves and ideas, we invite you to come dance with us in Level 2.5.

Hope to see you in class!

Turkey Day happiness...

Here in Seattle, we are having a white Thanksgiving. I don't remember one since I was a wee little girl, so it is magical. It will turn to rain soon, and get slushy and yuck, but hubby and I are enjoying the winter wonderland immensely for now.

I have begun cooking, and the house is already filling with delicious smells. Honestly, we really began yesterday morning when I cooked up the brining liquid, filled our cooler with salt/suger/stock/allspice berries and plopped our 20lb bird in to float around for 18 hours in said cooler set up on the snowy back deck.  About five years ago we started brining our bird in a simple water/salt/sugar blend, and two years ago we began to bypass stuffing our bird and instead using aromatics as recommended by our beloved Alton Brown--we will never ever make a turkey any differently ever again, and it even informed how we bake whole chickens throughout the year.  In a word: YUM! This year we're going whole hog and using Alton's full recipe from brine to finish, and I am completely confident it will be the best bird yet! I am searing the skin now, will tent it and cook until our family arrives this afternoon. Chris' sister and her husband, and Bapa will be joining us this year.

It's a bittersweet holiday this season, not having Pat here. I find myself trying not to cry now and again, so I cannot even imagine what is in Chris and Steph's hearts as they face the first holiday without their beautiful mother.  It makes me reflect on my family, on how little I get to see them, how much I miss my father and my grandmother... but it also makes me feel even closer to my new family I married into. Getting to spend time with them has become such a joy for me as I have gotten to know them better in recent years, and we are even closer now after what we have gone through this summer.

To sum it up, this Thanksgiving, they are my greatest blessing. I am so thankful for my family, and how warm they are in my heart this season in particular.  I am thankful for their kindness, their humor, their generosity, and their love.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. May yours be as sweet and full of love as mine is today.

Q&A: How to smile in performance.

Q. So, I was watching Kami Liddle's Tribal Fest 8 performance again today...one of the (many) things I have always liked about this performance, and her performances in general, is her lovely smile! It looks so wonderful!

How do I get that (or any) smile? Yes, I do smile when I perform and practice, but it looks nothing like that. When I ask a friend after I am through with a performance, "did I smile?" Their response is typically a variation of "Yes, you had this cute little smirk smile." What? I was smiling! I felt my face moving and forming smile-type pose. And when I look at a performance on video, I see that, indeed, it is more of a "smirk". So, I then go "drill" a smile in front of the mirror. But I don't like the way I look....

Any tips for working on a better smile?

A. Smiling in performance is just one facet of "emoting"--a difficult but valuable skill. And yes, you can learn it!

For one, don't expect your smile to look like anyone else's. That will bum you out in the long run. But more importantly...

Practice!

Actors know this--to convey an emotion with the body/face for a performance takes work!  It seems like it should be so "natural", but more often than not it ain't. It feels really goofy to smile in a mirror, but it helps you learn how it looks. Then try the same thing away from a mirror and feel how that FEELS. Keep working back and forth between mirrors and feeling it. Then try performing for video with that same smile and see how it looks and feels.

Another consideration: don't just smile. Think of things that make you feel like smiling.
A fake smile looks fake. A genuine smile radiates beyond where you think you could possibly reach.
Genuine smiles come from genuine emotion, and not from "poses". So when you practice your faces, and practice dancing, bring joyful thoughts to your mind which induce genuine smiles, and the audience will not only see it, but *feel* it.

Daily Gratitude: A Day of Rest

Daily Gratitude: I am thankful for the choice to take a day of rest. Many people on our planet work nearly all day, every day, and barely make ends meet. A day you can choose to do almost nothing is a blessing indeed.

Wayback Machine delivers memories...

I was searching for an old web page of mine today, and took a little walk down memory lane in the process.

A December 2001 performance by Gypsy Caravan at the Pink Door. They are wearing costumes I created for them. I remember when they used to come up a few times a year, and how magical it was to see them, to dance with them...*sigh*
http://web.archive.org/web/20020707203356/www.kamikazecostumes.com/gypsycaravan.html

My first trip to Breitenbush for Ancient Echoes:
http://web.archive.org/web/20020707203430/www.kamikazecostumes.com/breitenbush.html

My old vending tent at Med Fest, vending with Zanbaka:
http://web.archive.org/web/20020611063004/www.kamikazecostumes.com/medfest.html

My first Med Fest performance, with Veils of the Nile. Bet you can't tell my beloved Fat Chance bra is on upside down!
http://web.archive.org/web/20020213014218/www.kamikazecostumes.com/veilsofthenile.html

My old class page, on one of my oldest web site designs back when I first started learning HTML:
http://web.archive.org/web/20020805024324/www.kamikazecostumes.com/index2.html

I love seeing these old pages and pics!

Music Monday: Latin-y!

It's yet another installment of Music Monday, and this week it's Latin-stylee for the win! A mix of titles from around the world with Latin flava', for dancing on the stage or around your living room.

Song - Artist - Album
Onda Buena - Barrio Del Rio - Baila Habibi
Flamenco Tapas (Barcelona Bounce Remix) - Ethno Dance - Club Passport Remix
Santa Maria - Gotan Project
Cumbia De Los Muertos - Ozomatli
Hanuman - Rodrigo y Gabriela
Magalenha - Sergio Mendes - Brasileiro

Article: Tribal Fusion Bellydance on Gilded Serpent

Have a read, and let me know what you think:

http://www.gildedserpent.com/cms/2010/11/03/jasmine-june-intro-tribal-fusion-belly-dance/

"The “fusion” in Tribal Fusion Belly Dance makes this dance genre elusive and tricky to define. Two dancers could have nothing in common except a few core movements and a couple costuming pieces, and yet both could define themselves as Tribal Fusion dancers. While this can be confusing, both to outsiders and to Tribal Fusion belly dancers, the freedom that fusion grants is exactly what makes the genre so attractive.

The other side of the coin is that sometimes Tribal Fusion Belly Dance is interpreted to be completely open-ended. This can lead to dancers changing or ignoring technique, musicality, and proper training. 

Since Tribal Fusion Belly Dance is a relatively new dance form, it is especially important to treat the genre with a level of professionalism, or else one runs the risk of discrediting the work of dancers who have dedicated their lives to creating and elevating Tribal Fusion Belly Dance."

Music Monday - Moody Monday

I love iTunes for the way it can organize my playlists. I have ones for my classes, divided up by different levels of skill and paces of music. I have ones for performances, and for styles of music (Spanish, Bhangra, etc). And for personal music, I also have ones divided up by mood or feel. I have an Upbeat playlist, as I shared last week I have a Meditation playlist, a Chill playlist, and this week, I am sharing some selections from my Moody playlist.

As I come down from the high that was the Tribal Dreams Festival weekend, and I sit in my grey, quiet living room alone, I feel a little moody. Why is it that when we're in a sad mood, sometimes the only cure is sad tunes? Well, my  Moody List isn't necessarily sad songs, but just songs with lyrics or general feel of...well...a little bit blue.

Moody Monday
Save Me                                   -Aimee Mann            -Magnolia Soundtrack
Hide and Seek                          -Imogen Heap           -Speak for Youself
Watching You Without Me      -Kate Bush                -Hounds of Love
Feels Like Home                     -Newton Faulkner     -Hand Built By Robots
Call and Answer                      -Barenaked Ladies    -Stunt
I Know Why                            -Sheryl Crow            -Wildflower (mine is an acoustic version)
Sea Dreamer                            -Sting w/Anoushka Shankar and Karsh Kale    -Breathing Under Water

"Can you teach me to dance like _______...?"

Most every teacher I know has run into this question in one form or another from new students--some of us hear it many times a year. "I saw 'The World Famous Debbie Dancer' on YouTube. Can you teach me to dance like her?"

The short answer? No.
The only slightly longer answer?
Neither can she!

No teacher can truly teach you to dance just like them. What they can provide you is tools for your own dance--tools perhaps they themselves used to arrive at their own personal style, which you can then take to create your own personal style.

I am here in Lincoln, Nebraska getting ready to teach my first of two workshops at the Tribal Dreams Festival, and over breakfast this morning was chatting with Jawahara of Chicago about teaching and workshops and the culture of the bellydance world today as we know it. And one phenomenon we were talking about was the propensity for some dancers to come to classes or workshops wanting to be or dance just like another dancer. Jawahara was talking about dancers who would look at old footage of Taheya Carioca and Samia Gamal, and wanting to emulate every little nuance of those dancer's performances. For others, it might be like the many people who watch Rachel Brice or Aziza of Montreal, and try to make every single detail look and feel exactly the same.

It's a good jumping-off point, but the question is, are you trying to be them, or do you want to be you inspired by them?

Inspirational Video: Hips n' Bellies

Sandi and Wendy of FatChance Bellydance are pure magic together.  Their connection is unique and inspiring. One of my favorite examples of their power as performers is in the following clip. Sure, there are some lightning-fast performances that take my breath away--the kind of speed only you and someone you know really really well, personally and professionally, can maintain together. But no other duet so far swims through my brain as such a shining example of the power of ATS arrhythmic slow as this one. None showcase the strength and grace inherent in the movements quite like this one; the way one can simply flow, like a really delicious yoga stretch, from one move to the next, luxuriating in each moment, never rushing, never pushing, but with palpable dynamic tension and oozing sensuality.

Perhaps it's the slightly gritty nature of the video. The dim, red-toned lighting. The guitar solo. The way the audience barely breathes. It evokes the feeling we're in some basement cafe in Spain, and someone with a home video camera is watching as the native dancers entertain us all.

Brief history of sword dancing

From Mish Mish via BellyTalk, a NW discussion group for bellydancers. It is confirmed by what Jamila told us at her weeklong, that she was essentially the one who conceived the sword as a bellydance prop:

"In Turkey and Arabic countries, dancing with a sword is done mainly by men as a display of skill in combat or to prepare for battle. My troupe used to have a Druse from Lebanon who did a spectacular sword dance his father had taught him and I have seen videos of a Persian dance troupe where the men feign battle and dance in unison.

Dancing while balancing a sword on your head has become popular in the United States with soloists and troupes but there is no such tradition in Arabic countries where balancing something on your head is a part of daily life, so it's no big deal The idea for this dance can be traced back to Jamila Salimpour and her seminal dance troupe, Bal Anat who became famous performing at the Renaissance Fair in California in the 1970's. Jamila was inspired by an Oriental painting from the late l9th Century by French artist Jean Leon Gerome of a group of musicians and a dancer, probably a ghawazee, dancing with a sword balanced on her head and another held in her hand. The swords belonged to the Turkish soldiers in the background who had undoubtedly hired the dancers to entertain them. A replica of this painting appears on Aisha Ali's recording of "Music of the Ghawazee" As Jamila's influence spread throughout the USA, so to did the practise of balancing a sword on your head."

Music Monday - Movin' and Groovin'

 Here's music that makes me bop around happily.  Movits! has a couple songs I love to use in high-action drills to start off my more advanced classes, and herein is one of them. Augustito 2004 is good for medium drills, with a fun spirit behind it (look up the lyrics). Louis Prima, The Beatles, Cherry Poppin' Daddies...yeah, we got a little bit of everything here.




Jump, Jive, An' Wail                Louis Prima             Collector's Series   
Fel del Av Gården                    Movits!                   Äppelknyckarjazz   
Ob - La - Di, Ob - La - Da       The Beatles             1967-1970 Blue Album\Disc 2   
Agustito 2004                          Ketama                    20 Pa' Ketama
Jump in the Line                      Cherry Poppin' Daddies          
Smile                                        Lily Allen               Smile - EP     

BTW, the Movits! video for Fel del Av Garden makes my day, too. Check it out!

Conscious Carnivore

My sister in law was vegetarian for many years, but in recent years she and her husband have been eating some meat.  Lucky for us in the Northwest, we have a lot of fantastic organic local resources for our food, it allows us all to be conscientious about our meat choices without too much effort (and a fairly reasonable increase in cost).

I have been inspired by my family and friends' consciousness about their food choices. And having gotten more into cooking, and thoroughly thrilled at the bounty we have around us in our area, I have been interested in cutting down on my meat intake and explore alternatives. This is partly due to wanting to cultivate a more compassionate approach to my world in general, but also, frankly, for the challenge and inspiration that comes from cooking meatless in a world of MEAT! MEAT! MEAT! You may have already seen this reflected in my meat-free cooking once a week I have been blogging about, and the vegetarian alternatives I have been slotting into my posted recipes as well.

I have been doing a little reading of wonderful "meat lite" recipes, and have come across a couple interesting resources I thought I would share:

"Becoming a Compassionate Carnivore"
written by a city-kid turned farmer, who raises animals for food, which addresses the following:

"Here’s a heads up, though: Becoming a more compassionate carnivore requires change, and change requires time, the one thing most of us lack. How can we possibly change how we eat when we barely have enough time to eat?"

And brings us the hopeful remark:

Music Monday - Meditation

I have not been as regular in my meditation practice this year as in previous, but I hope to get myself back on the wagon this winter.  I meditate with gentle music in the background, as I find it helps center me, and my monkey mind is a little less wild. I also like to set up playlists so that they run the length of time I would like to meditate, so that I don't shortchange myself by getting grumpy and giving up after 5 minutes, nor do I lose track of my day and sit for an hour when I really only have a half hour to spare.  I like the tracks to be 5-7 minutes or more apiece so that I am not constantly "shifting gears" with new tunes every 3 minutes like most songs run these days.

Unfortunately, much of my music is still "trapped" on an iMac that pooped out on me, but I will share these three I still have on my laptop playlist for your enjoyment. Enjoy!

Hypersensitivity: a creative's bane

Lateral Action hits it out of the park again and again. Thought I would share this snippet from their "Dark Side of Creativity - Burnout" article.  And if this section sounds familiar, you should read the parts about Control Freakery and expectations!

"Hypersnsitivity
Why are creative people so sensitive to criticism of their work? Because our work is not just something we do, it’s an expression of who we are. As Gustave Flaubert put it:

A book is essentially organic, part of ourselves. We tear a length of gut from our bellies and serve it up.

So when the critics get their knives out, it feels like a direct personal attack. When nobody comes to the show it feels as if your innermost soul has been rejected. And again, this is as it should be – up to a point. If you didn’t care enough to put your heart and soul into your work, there would be no reason for anyone else to care about it. But if you really want to improve, you have to learn to let go of the work, to stand back and appraise it coldly, to see whether it measures up to the standards you aspire to. And you have to be able to listen to others’ feedback and see whether you can learn from it. Otherwise you set yourself up for a world of pain each time you present your work to an audience."

(image: The Green Muse by Albert Maignan, 1895)

Dance Injuries - Having a Plan C

Dance Advantage listed an article recently on dancers and injuries. Specifically the idea that injuries can take away dance from your life. I am familiar with this, having been on and off battling a severe back issue, and more recently knee problems surfacing, and my foot issue which will require surgery I cannot afford at present, which leaves me in pain every day just walking around, let alone dancing.  I have had to give a lot of thought to the possibility that I may not be able to have dance as my career any more, and how betrayed by fate it has made me feel over the past few months.  This is something I am really really good at--the first thing that really resonated with me so deeply, and was validated in the opinions of my peers as well. To imagine it not being my profession any more was impossible to contemplate, and yet I had to give it some serious "face-time" in my meditations this summer.

So this article is somewhat encouraging in its tone and message. Summing up the message in one line:

"As a young dancer, I felt pigeonholed into thinking that I only had two options (dance or don’t dance), when plan C was as simple as being a barefoot dancer who wears shoes – and it took me six years to figure that out."

In trying to figure out where dance fits into my definition of self , this article presents the idea of creative experimentation with the ways dance slots into your life when factors seem to push against that possibility.

In other news, I started Music Monday a few weeks ago, and pre-loaded some posts to release on Mondays. Then didn't go back and check to see if they were posting. Oops! I had them in the queue, but hadn't released them for posting. So keep an eye out for Music Monday NEXT Monday, and hopefully I will have that all cleared up and ready to post for your auditory enjoyment.

A delightful fall weekend....

Started the weekend early with a matinee movie with my friend Arya, followed by tea and stimulating conversation. Friday night was a chill night in with hubby. Saturday morning was breakfast, then some food prep for the potluck mini-family reunion later. SIL and hubby came over a little early for a little chat, then we head to the reunion, which was filled with kind, funny, friendly relatives Chris n' sis hadn't seen in maybe two decades or more (as well as delicious ham!).  Went later than we planned, so we went home instead of the Tiff's birthday (sorry to miss it, Tiff! Hope your 30th rocked!) to chill out and watch a couple episodes of Dexter before going to bed early.

Early to bed, early to rise this morning, and went to breakfast at the Jewel Box Cafe, splitting a breakfast panini and a sweet berry crepe.  Came home and knit some on my new mitt design. Spending the afternoon cooking a wild mushroom soup while hubby performs delicate surgery on my iMac to try and fix it (replacing the video card *fingers crossed*). Chopping veggies, plucking some of the last of the fresh herbs from our garden (leaving my fingers smelling of thyme and rosemary all day long), sipping wine and smelling a rich, earthy soup simmering on the stove, all with a background soundtrack of Ella Fitzgerald on Pandora= one thing I can easily adore about the changing of the seasons.

I hope everyone is enjoying the beginning of October as I am.

Smartphones = Wallets

It is alarming to me how often I hear about people leaving their smart phone or their iPod touch behind at restaurants, in their cars in plain view, or it slipping out in a parking lot or theater. Losing an iPod touch or a phone these days is more like losing your wallet, with ID and credit cards all in there. (And a lot like losing a laptop, too!)

Recently on Ravelry, a woman said that her iPod touch had slipped out of her bag on a university campus. The young man who found it opened it up, and she was logged into her mail and Facebook (among other social apps and such), which she uses all the time and keeps up and running. Luckily, this young man posted his phone number to her wall, so she could call and recover it (unfortunately with a broken screen from being dropped and run over by a car, apparently, but still running!).  But to think what he COULD have done with the data on that "entertainment device" is alarming.

These things hold a lot of data that can be used inappropriately, for sure.  So guard it like you would a wallet! You wouldn't just let a wallet slip out of your purse, would you? You keep it in a secure spot in your bag, don't you? Do the same with your iPod touch or phone. You don't leave the restaurant without your wallet, do you? I sure hope not. You keep it tucked in your pocket or purse when not in use, right?  Do the same with your devices.

Just a friendly reminder to keep your identity secure, and not let these "entertainment electronics" become a ID theft nightmare.

Why Spontaneity Comes from Following the Rules

Over at Lateral Action, there is an interesting (& rather deep) post regarding a conversation between Brian Eno and the developer of Sim City, and the application of rules bringing about successful spontaneity. Read the full article here:
http://lateralaction.com/articles/brian-eno-will-wright/


The simplest, and most profound, summation of this conversation came in the final segment, quoted here:

Play It Simple

A point that comes up repeatedly in the Eno/Wright talk is that complex results emerge from simple rules. No rules mean there is no system, so nothing is generated. But if you add too many rules and risk breaking the system. The trick is to find just enough rules to get the system under way without destroying it prematurely.

Certifications...what do you think?

Here's the truth of it: When it comes to training intensives, I sometimes wish there were no certificate tied to the coursework. 

Particularly in programs which are essentially "participation certificates" rather than tested on demonstrated knowledge and ability, I feel it gives a false sense of accomplishment to the participant, and sends a confusing message to the public that one need only take a few days of workshops and suddenly you can be "officially certified" in a given style or skill. It diminishes both the idea of a certificate and the art/style itself, in my opinion. This is one way in which I have a lot of admiration for the Suhaila certification program. While it has never been of interest to me to pursue, I can see the tremendous value in the way it is structured, and the tangible feedback it provides the dancers--as a friend once said, it can be a roadmap for personal goal setting, and that's fantastic.

 

At the root, I would rather we focus on the meat of a dancer's/teachers' skills--proven through time and experience and demonstrated skill--than pieces of paper.

Web design...

Had a few more contracts crop up for web design lately. I am trying to streamline my design process, but am finding it tough. I just like the visual design part so much better than the code part!

So today I "attended" my final online Web Design Bootcamp webinar, and it covered HTML5 and CSS3 in brief. In particular, "embedded" fonts in web page design. But it's so much more than that. Whew!  I feel overwhelmed with the possibilities and what new things I will need to learn to take advantage of it. With 98% of all browsers supporting the new font functionality, we can start using it RIGHT NOW. how exciting is that? Even IE is ahead of the game on this one. Looking forward to seeing what it allows us to create...

Bringing emotion to your dance

From my background in theater and dance, to a life seeped in bellydance and dance in general full-time, I have learned that one of the most powerful methods of showing emotion in performance is having a story firmly in mind as you perform.  Just saying "I am going out there to have fun and smile," doesn't quite have the same impact as coming up with a more detailed motivation or imagined goal in mind when you take the stage. So You Think You Can Dance liberally uses themes, props, and elaborate stories to create their unique dances, which is inspiring. We, too, can be guided by a story through the entire creative process, which can inform not only our movement and emoting on stage, but also costume and musical choices as well to support the story further. Though I would caution that one must be careful at becoming too literal or trite.

The dance itself--the body, the face, the movement--not costume or music or props, should always communicate the story first and foremost.  

ATS Old/New - Another take

Nancy Young posted a really articulate and well-considered response to Carolena's message, and I wanted to share my favorite part of it:

"By giving this gift, you have, it seems to me, officially acknowledged ATS, your baby, as a mature art form with a life of its own and sent it off with your blessing. For me—and maybe this is just me—the gift also feels like your official acknowledgment of us, the ATS community, not just as acolytes practicing your dance but as artists inspired by your vision."

See the rest of her post on Monday, September 27th, HERE.

Music Monday - Feelin' The Love

Alright, I have never been one for the "every day of the week has its own blog theme", but I have been wanting to give a little more space for music recommendations and discussions 'round these parts, so I am going to implement a "Music Monday" theme and see how it goes. Let me know what you think, eh?

Music Monday will have a little bit of whatever it is I am listening to right now. Some will be dance music, but some will just be my listenin' and enjoyin' music!  Most everything I listen to these days is available on iTunes and/or Amazon, so you can snag it for yourself. :)

I have been listening to a lot of love-themed upbeat music lately to keep me singin' along and feeling positive. So here are some of my favorite "Feelin' The Love" tunes right now, with links to iTunes:

Song - Artist - Album

Super Duper - Joss Stone - The Soul Sessions
Whenever I Say Your Name - Sting Feat. Mary J. Blige - Sacred Love
Home -  Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros - Up from Below
Throw Your Arms Around Me - Neil Finn - (live bootleg, sorry, but here is another version, and here)
Three Little Birds - Bob Marley - Legend
You Give Me Something - Jamiroquai - A Funk Odessey

I wanted to make an iMix to put all the songs in one place, but apparently some of my music wasn't "approved" for use in the iMix by iTunes (even though they sell these exact songs). I will look further into this in the future, to simplify browsing the music in one place, rather than with individual links. For now, enjoy the music!

Health and fitness made simple...

Another gem from Zen Habits, this time it's the very simple truth about increasing your fitness.


"Health and fitness are usually made to seem too complex.

If you read a lot of fitness magazines and blogs (as I often do), you’re told a confusing variety of complex advice. It makes your head spin.

You’re told that eggs, butter and meat are bad for you. Then another crowd will tell you those same things are actually good. Then you’ll hear running is good for you, and the bodybuilding and primal crowds will scoff at longer-distance running. You’ll hear that lifting weights is the best way to get into shape, and others will laugh at that. You’ll hear a million variations of the best workouts, of when to time your nutrition, of how to periodize your workouts, of how to measure fitness, of what supplements you need to take … ad naseum.

It’s enough to make you want to give up.

Fortunately, fitness doesn’t have to be that complex.

In fact, you can boil it down to two simple rules:

1. Get your body moving on a regular basis; and
2. Eat a moderate amount of real, whole foods (with occasional indulgences).

ATS Old/New - My Take

I have been engaged in many discussions about the New/Old ATS announcement, on Tribe and on Facebook and in mails with friends, and even had a chat with Carolena today. I haven't said too much about my thoughts on this publicly, as I have wanted to let them percolate a little while. I didn't want anyone to feel shut down or otherwise distracted from feeling what they felt, or add to their mental burdens as they try and figure out quite *what* they feel.  And of course, I wanted to figure out what I felt, and try to speak from my heart and mind in tandem, rather than purely from one or the other alone. Sorry it's so long, but it's been a week of deep discussion with a lot of awesome women, and a lot of meditation on what this all means to me personally.  Let me start with a leetle story...

My last troupe, inFusion Tribal, performed in collaborations at several high-profile events with another ATS-based troupe from Bend, OR, Gypsy Fire directed by Quinn Fradet (hi Quinn!). Both of our groups were not strictly ATS troupes, though we were each well versed in ATS terminology (Quinn started many years ago in FC classes in SF, and she and I  have completed not only General Skills, but two levels of Teacher Training, and teach ATS-based repertoire in our classes and in our troupes), but we each had robust languages of our own, as well as some minor variations on the ATS vocabulary we had made to suit our tastes.  Since we lived so far apart, we directors would discuss music and staging through e-mail, but we only had one rehearsal all-together, 2-3 hours in length, the day before or the day of the performance itself, to prepare a half an hour set using both our troupes separately and together.

Improve your 'About' page

I recently undertook the challenge of re-writing my About page (or bio page, or whatever you want to call it). It's so hard! You want to be able to talk yourself up, and you want to sound professional, but you don't want to sound cold, egotistical, or bland. You want your page to sound as vibrant and interesting as you are, without being overly flowery! You want to get lots of information across, but you don't want to get so long you lose your readers. A tall order!

I wish I had seen this link back when I was writing it:
http://www.davidairey.com/improve-your-about-page/

Not only is the article itself helpful in giving you things to think about, it has many links to examples and further reading to inspire your copywriting.

Consider this a reminder to anyone reading that updating your bio page is important every year or so, to make sure that the content and language is fresh and representative of who you are and what you currently do/have done recently. Don't hesitate to take on something as simple as changing a few lines of your current copy, all the way up to scrapping it and writing it all from the ground up. The latter is what I did, and it felt good to revisit my experiences and qualifications, and really write it again in a language and tone that is very "me" today.

On the importance of communication

The last six months has really given me a lot of time to reflect on the importance of communication, and it has been reiterated in the last month with various important discussions I have been a part of.  What we say, how we say it, when we say it, why we say it, and even who we say it to...there is a delicate combination of each of these considerations that makes for successful communication.

My preferred mode of communication is the written word. It has always been the case for me that I feel I can best consider each of these variables when trying to express my thoughts and feelings to others through writing. Even before the internet and e-mail, I preferred writing notes and letters to friends and family to express important thoughts, because it was easier and more natural for me.  I find that when I talk on the phone or in person, any number of these variables cannot be fully honored--the way things are said and the "when" of what is said is dependent on the timing of the opportunity to connect in real-time with someone.  Some days I just don't feel that eloquent. Most days I feel like, when it comes to really important communications, I can't think it all the way through, and say everything I want to say, and I leave the conversation with words roiling in my mind for hours or even days following, dredging all the things I wish I had thought to say at the time.  With writing, I can pick the time and I can carefully pick my words. I have time to consider why I am saying what I am trying to say, and how I want to express it.

A Not So Radical Idea (ATS Old School vs. New School)

I am definitely seeing and hearing a lot of confusion and frustration and fear surrounding the old vs. new announcement made this week. And I completely understand the mix of emotions this is stirring up. BUT...

Maybe (it's worth trying at least...) if we concentrate on the spirit of the announcement--the idea that dancing should be fun and creative and empowering, not super-strict and limited and single-pathed (hey I made up a word!)--we can manifest it in ourselves and in the community. 

I know that sounds really Pollyanna, and it will not make all of our mixed and confused feelings go away, but think of it as a meditative practice to help come to a place of balance as everyone is hammering out their feelings.

Teacher Loyalty Redux

Because I think it bears repeating, and with a little caveat added to the end:

"To All Students,
Regarding "Loyalty" to Your Teacher
By Amanda Niehaus
with a few edits by me personally
(originally posted at Shira.net which is a fantastic resource for all things bellydance. Check it out!)

Dear students of this beautiful art form,

I am a teacher. I teach because I am passionate about this dance and I want others to share my passion.

I am not teaching because I require a fan club.
I am not teaching because I require devotees or because I need hero worship.

As your teacher, my job is to teach you; to inspire you to be your best. If I am a really good teacher, then I also will not be your only teacher.

What makes a good/bad teacher?

http://danceadvantage.net/2010/08/11/define-dolly-dinkle/

I had never heard of a Dolly Dinkle before, but it sounds all so familiar when compared to complaints and opinions voiced in the bellydance community. All artists have the same concerns...

One commenter wrote:

"Dolly Dinkle schools offer no technique or curriculum. Their schedule often reflects whatever is hot at the moment- lyrical, contemporary instead of ballet; all hip-hop; etc. 

Dolly doesn’t teach vocabulary or history of the dance forms. Ballet is not the only genre with this! So many students don’t realize hip-hop and breakin’ have a vocab and history! 

A well-rounded education: technique, history and vocab PLUS improv, choreographic, and performance opportunities makes a great studio."

ATS - The new definition from Carolena

At about 5pm this evening, Carolena has officially expanded her definition of ATS. Here is the latter portion of her announcement this evening. I would love to hear what you think.

"There is still some confusion about what is ATS and what is any variety of Tribal, but that's OK. We have Sister Studios, teachers that adhere to the philosophy of FatChanceBellyDance in their ATS classes, 98 at the time of this writing. We have TribalStar Galactica, my attempt in getting all the "tribes" together in one place, no matter of the genre, 247 at the time of this letter.

It's finally time for me to give the gift that I had intended at the filming of Dance Fundamentals-be creative and have fun.

There are so many new steps and concepts being presented to me that I feel the need to broaden our definition of ATS. I propose that the steps from Tribal Basics Vol. 1 Dance Fundamentals and Tribal Basics Vol. 4 Embellishments and Variations be considered ATS Old School, as they are the foundation of what we do. Everything else, including our Tribal Basics Vol. 7 Creative Steps and Combinations, are to be considered ATS New Style.

Rachel Brice on Tribal Fusion

Gotta love it:

"There are very few rules in Tribal Fusion, but in my humble opinion the one constant is that the dancer or group is versed in American Tribal Style as taught by Carolena Nericcio. Her stylistic approach to existing vocabulary, her theatrical approach to costuming, and the incredible invention of group improvisation, has allowed infinite variations that all have one thing in common: powerful presentation. The strength that American Tribal Style communicates through its posture, arm placement, and costuming was a revelation for me as a feminist. Without Fat Chance, I can honestly say I wouldn’t be dancing today."

-Rachel Brice
Full article below

Have you lost that "spark" lately?

Local dance legend, Delilah, posted this thought-provoking question to a local discussion group not too long ago, which I thought I would share with you, along with my lengthy answer. I am curious if you are experiencing similar "issues" in your dance world, and if so, what your thoughts on it is.

"Thoughts:

I have been getting a lot of calls e mails, comments in conversation about the spark being lost in belly dance these days. Here is a quote from one dancer I got 2 days ago.

"I have been a bit out of touch with belly dance. Belly dance had served its initial purpose, and yet I was beginning to lose interest in it entirely. I guess I feel that what I see today in its representation is a lack of substance - it's not spiritually fulfilling for me. I have nearly lost the desire to even watch others perform. "

I get constant calls from all over the country about dancers being let down by the Belly Dance Super Stars. These comments come from new dancers, long time hobbyists, professional performers and instructors, and our moms. With a name like that I guess come expectations. Not that they aren't beautiful and graceful But these women describe a flat presentation of something that means so much to women's lives. It's being reduced to a Las Vegas female objectification and what color will she wear next.

The women I've been talking to are saying , they want more! I am frankly very inspired that women are aware enough to articulate this (when commercial machinery is so powerful against the consumer). Personally the belly dance Super Stars do not embarrass me in any way. The show is PC and well rehearsed. However if I was the director with that budget I would do it much differently.

I ask you all. What would YOU do differently?
How can we bring back the qualities that deeply inspire us?

Delilah"

My response after the jump...

Not alone...

Seems I am not alone in my feeling the need to hibernate my dance a little bit. Paulette's latest newsletter came out today, and here is a snippet:

"Now I need to take a little more private time for myself.  I have decided to take a year’s sabbatical from performing, and some teaching. I, too, need time to feed my soul, to process, and to find out where I am in the dance now. I do know that I love to teach, and therefore I have a few select teaching engagements in the next year, which I am excited about... 

But I cannot go on full force like I have been, and continue my life on the farm with my husband and my adorable menagerie, and also run my fabulous new shop, Cultivator General Store. I need to take time to find out what my next dance steps are...


My amazing troupe, the Gypsy Caravan Dance Company, will be on hiatus as well, with the other dancers off to their own adventures for now. My dancer/student/friends, the Caravan Dance Collective, will continue on without me in some shape of a troupe, to their choosing, while I take my time on my private journey. I am thankful for their support with my decision. And who know where I will end up?"

Read the full newsletter HERE.  Scroll near the bottom to see this portion.

Paulette, I wish you well on your road through these questions, and hope you find answers that fulfill your heart and soul. (And I know I still owe you a visit, Momma. *mwah*) The journey continues...

Who I am vs. What I do

I am coming back off my dance hiatus this week, and in addition to lots and lots of dreams in the weeks leading up to the day--some anxiety, some hope-filled--one theme keeps running around in my head: the idea of your profession being something you do versus something which defines who you are.

When people ask what I do for a living I have long said "I am a bellydance teacher and performer." When I think about it, I can see that I am answering a question that wasn't asked. Isn't this a response we all give equally casually?

"What do you DO?" they ask. And we answer "I AM a..."  There's a subtle but important distinction between the question and the answer. 

7 Secrets of Super Performers

Thanks, Dance Advantage!

"Even when dancing solo, NEVER dance alone:
...
Not dancing alone also means being aware of other dancers in your group. How can you involve the audience or the other dancers on stage with you in your performance? Make eye contact, direct your energy to one person within the audience or project your energy to the others around you, and use or respond to the energy of others give to you. None of these are things that you DO so much as things you FEEL and THINK as you perform."

Read the whole fantastic article here:
http://danceadvantage.net/2009/02/08/7-secrets-of-super-performers/

The Benefit of Letting Go

A great post from Lateral Action:
http://lateralaction.com/articles/creativity-unconscious/

"Whenever you set out to do something extraordinary, there comes a point where... you have to choose between trying to control everything – or letting go and getting carried away by something bigger and more powerful than yourself."

It reminds me of a similar message from Elisabeth Gilbert in her TEDTalk, which I adore so. Head over to see a man about a horse, and possibly enjoy the same "hell yeah" I experienced when reading it. ;)

More on music: Traditional music opens you up...

Expanding on the "Does Music Make the Dancer" post the other day, fellow dancer and student, Meissa, posted this on the Shira.net tribe earlier this year:

"I have been told "you can bellydance to anything you want" more times than I can count True, but, I also crashed and burned so very hard on my last solo of 2009 (which was a total trainwreck and a huge pain to watch-I can't believe I subjected people to THAT kind of self-indulgence), and preparing my first solo of 2010, cause I didn't learn from my 2009 mistake.  

I was so hellbent on dancing to that obscure music no one had danced to before, and putting on that pretty costume that no one else had, that I forgot what I really wanted to do: BELLYDANCE.

I was so very proud of myself when I danced solo to a traditional piece for the first time. I forgot about all the trinketry and the jewelry and just allowed myself to open up and feel the music."

I simply adored these sentiments from Meissa!

Does the music make the dancer?

When I first got together with a troupe, we were a democratic group, with no director. Everyone contributed music and costuming and choreographies to their best ability. There was one member who always brought really diverse music that was fun to move to, but it was never anything event remotely Middle Eastern or North African. Some of it we used for variety, sure. But when she kept bringing less and less appropriate music (by our opinion of course), I had to ask her about it. Her response was "I don't really like Middle Eastern music." And I had to ask her, "They WHY are you into bellydance?" And yet today, this is a very common sentiment...bellydancers who don't care for bellydance music. How does that compute?

While I am a big proponent of being able to play with lots of different music to add variety to your dance, particularly when we perform for mostly bellydance audiences (and who wants to hear Miserlou again), I would think one of the base requirements of being a bellydancer is listening to, appreciating, and dancing to Middle Eastern music. Otherwise, I would think any number of other styles of personal expression would make more sense: modern dancer, interpretive dancer, or world fusion dance is my favorite.

So before I make this sound like I am just judging other people and don't know of what I speak, I myself have also struggled with this topic.

Q&A: Intellectual Property and Students Teaching

Q. "I was hoping for input from someone who's developed their own [tribal improv] method and the "proprietary" nature of the material.

I have students with their own performing group here in town, but up to now, the group improv format we do in class is off limits unless you're performing with [us], so they don't use it or teach it in their group.

They do, however like to use my choreographies & adapt my choreographies for their performances, & that's OK -

But I know that when we release the [troupe] format on DVD they'll be all over it. I know they'll ask me about using it when it comes out. I'm too close to tell how I feel about it. I don't want to make any blanket statements on it one way or the other (Yes, use it; No, don't use it) based on *nothing*.

Little things that feel good

I've been a bit off the wagon in my home organization and healthier eating with the whole Shitpocalypse 2010 this spring and summer, so things haven't been as clean and pretty as I was keeping them. But I am getting back on all those wagons, and trying to clean, organize, and eat healthier once again. So as when I began this promise to myself all those months ago, I am taking tiny steps, doing little things which add up to larger emotional, physical, and mental rewards.

One thing I did to inspire myself to get back to it was to treat myself with some new bedding details. We haven't had a headboard on our bed since we got our King size Tempur-pedic (years), and between that and the anemic little memory foam pillows we now use, the bed looked kinda limp.  I have gotten in the habit of making my bed every morning--something I never had to do growing up and never saw a purpose to all my life--and enjoy how good it feels to walk into our bedroom during the day and see it made up nicely, and even nicer when crawling in at night. Made it feel...I dunno...just nicer.   So a few weeks ago I took it a step further and became One Of Those Women: I now have decorative pillows that live on my bed only during daylight hours.

I always thought it was a silly practice, moving pillows on and off every morning and night just for "looks". But whenever I stay in a hotel, there is something so beautiful and inviting about big overstuffed pillows and crisp linens to greet you. I wanted to feel like that at home.

So I hit up the Macy's sale, used a couple gift cards I had been saving for the right time, and here is what our bed looks like now. The pillows stay pretty much the same (they go with almost every color palette we have on the bed at any given time), the duvet changes every few weeks, and if it is solid then I fold the red quilt right side out to reveal the lush printed side with the saturated colors my Mom incorporated in the design when she made it for us (but which clashes when put on top of a printed duvet). So we have lots of "looks" out of a few little additions, and my bed just feels more lush and welcoming!

It's a smidge more work every morning to make it, but it is one little thing that makes me smile and feel pride in my home. So it's worth it. :)

Q&A: Workshops don't "do it" for me.

"I have tried some workshops. They don't really work for me. Reason being there is too much being thrown at me in a short space of time. Now, I am not young, not old, but this older brain needs to have the lessons pounded over and over."


You are not by any stretch meant to absorb everything in a workshop, and what you do absorb, you should not expect to get into your muscle memory or master at any level.

It is like a big delicious buffet. You are overwhelmed with choices, and will taste a lot of things you maybe never tried before. You will like some things, and not others, and you never walk away with a recipe list of the things you like. Just a rough idea of what foods, ingredients, and spices you enjoyed most. Then you can take that information home and apply it to your overall diet in some other way, by experimenting with the bits and pieces of culinary details you gathered from your experience.

If you go in hoping to walk out with a complete set of ideas and concepts, wholly in your body and ready to go, you will be disappointed every time. But employing patience with yourself, looking out for what really resonates with you, taking some decent notes, and being willing to let go of what isn't really turning your crank, you can come away with some really valuable new information and a gateway to new skills and ideas that will generate within you as a result of attending.

And remember that workshop teachers vary widely, and their topics do as well. Some workshops are about cramming as much data into one two hour time-slot as possible. Others are about more subtle techniques that you will get to drill with over and over in different ways to explore possibilities. You end up kissing frogs in the process, but even the ones you don't appreciate fully give you some scope to your preferences, and helps guide your personal style.

So even if a workshop seems like it will be a difficult stretch, try it!  See a workshop with a great teacher but with basic techniques you think you have already "mastered"? Take it--it will invariably give you new insights and considerations to help you grow.  See a workshop in a style you're not sure you want to do? Try it anyway. Even if you don't make a shift to that school of movement, details of the work might inform your style in a new way you never expected.  Workshops are a smorgasbord of possibilities. So FEAST and fill that creative tummy with new fabulous inspirations!

Recipes for A Farewell to Summer

Last night I treat myself to a little farewell to summer indulgence. I thought I would share the recipes I made: Mini Apple Tarts and Ginger Basil Lemonade.

Mini Apple Tarts

Ingredients:
- 1 package pre-made pie crust (comes with 2 crusts)
- 4-5 small-medium apples of your choice (I used Fuji)
- 1/4 cup brown sugar
- 2 Tbsp flour
- 2 tsp (or to taste) apple pie spice or cinnamon
- a dash of vanilla extract (1/4 tsp maybe?)

My interview on YIP Podcast

Did y'all hear my interview on YIP Poadcast? I realize I didn't post a link, as it aired during a time I wasn't posting very often. The YIP gals, Mary and Tammy, are so wonderful, and I had fun talking to them. Hope you enjoy the interview! (I think it starts after 20 minutes in? I don't recall just now...)
http://www.yippodcast.com/2010/06/episode-33-seattle-and-shay.html

And click around for other great interviews. I of course adore the one with Carolena and Megha (they even got to be interviewed in the evening, and with WINE! I had earlier in the morning with TEA. WHIIIIINE!), but there are tons of great interviews with people throughout the dance community. Mary and Tammy are very conversational, and you can tell they have a fun time doing their show. Enjoy!

Jane of all trades?

Trying to be everything to everyone can be exhausting. I know! I've tried!

Looking back on the evolution of my dance, I can see a sort of wave-like motion. That is, like a wave pushing forward which swells and swells and swells....and finally breaks and crashes and eases upon the shore... Yep, I kinda feel that is what my dance has done.

I started out so simply--much like we all do. Just an image of dance that felt natural and came naturally from my combination of instincts plus research into many different styles which appealed to me. My roots were in cabaret/folkloric, because really that's all there was around here at the time. "Tribal" was not yet a household word, and though I knew of group improv and had the videos, that wasn't what I was trying to do, per se. I just liked dancing, especially with other like-minded women, and I enjoyed exploring all the bits and pieces of theory and aesthetics that my teachers and friends brought into my field of vision.



As I learned more, and added new ideas to my bag of tricks, I wanted to bring them all together somehow. I liked that I was a fusion dancer working among other fusion dancers, and had that freedom. My teachers and friends encouraged me to blend and follow my bliss, and I was not shy about doing so. Of course it was all with an eye toward what would be most effective and appropriate on a given stage, but even with those "soft limits" on my creative output (maybe even partly because of), things began to fracture a bit. That is to say, I understood that doing a dark, moody sword piece at a sunny afternoon faire wasn't really going to be effective, and nor was my folky costumes and music going to have the intended impact at the goth club. So naturally, I felt the need to divide these diverse portions of my dance into some kind of categories. There was costuming for this venue, and music for that venue. And even a vocabulary of movement and treatment which rocked over here, but wouldn't really work over there. So every time we staged a piece, we would pick and choose from these many different components to piece together the ideal setlist for the show we were intending to do. And taken at face value, that sounds idyllic, doesn't it? Being able to adapt and adjust in such a way that we could present several really different bodies of work based on the venue and the audience is a valuable skill.

But the result wasn't quite so simple or ideal.

Your 2010 Wish List: how's it going?

At the beginning of the year, I created a 2010 Wishlist, which you can see HERE. It was an anti-resolutions way of listing goals for myself for the coming year, and I challenged you to do the same. Did you make a list? If so, how is your list going? We're a bit over the 6 month mark for 2010, so it's a good time to see what progress we have made.

For my list, my weight is down about 11lbs. I was down as much as 15, but gained some back over the summer with all the stress. I am back on the wagon and working toward the goal of better health once again.

Re-evaluating dance in my life is one I have had no choice but to stare straight in the face. And to be truthful, I don't have any answers there, yet. But I am on a continuing journey right now that is taking steps toward greater understanding of this question.

I am definitely more organized, but have a loooong way to go with regard to that. Case and point: my desk as I type this message. Ugh. But in other areas of my life, home and business, I have been cleaning up and taking stock, which is good.

So how about you?

Web design and what it means to me...

Web design has been at the forefront of my work this past week. With the dissolution of my troupe, and the lengthy hiatus from my dance over this summer, this fall is an opportunity for a little reinvention. Nothing too drastic mind you, but definitely a re-branding is in order before the Tribal Dreams Festival in November, and Tribal Revolution next year. Taking down the old websites will be hard, but cathartic perhaps.

The tricky part to my dance as a business over the years was compartmentalizing the different dominant aspects of my experience. I was a teacher, but was a director of a troupe which was shared with another person. Technically our troupe was born before I was teaching, so when I began to teach was when the roads diverged strangely. When we taught workshops, sometimes it was as "Shay" and sometimes it was as "inFusion", and more often than not the person hiring didn't understand the difference. When I sold merchandise, some was mine, some was the troupe's, and people would have to write two different checks if they bought items from each. This was very confusing for students and promoters. After all, when you take a workshop with Carolena, you don't wonder if you're getting a workshop from her or from FatChance. It's not either Paulette or Gypsy Caravan. It's understood that these two entities are inexorably entwined. Not so with me and it was a source of tension for many years.

Now I am given the opportunity to re-structure my dance as a business, and it's been hard to get excited about. Because committing to it means finally closing the door, once and for all, on a period of time that was so fulfilling and blessed. The ending was hard, and continues to be, but the years prior were the stuff of dreams. To write The End on that page is...character building, let's say. What I have to keep telling myself is that just because what has come before was incredible beyond my imagination doesn't mean the best is already behind me. There could be more ahead I can't imagine, too!

So designing a new web page is a fun creative venture that can be a tiny step toward these changes. I need to embrace the future, whatever it will be. And frankly, learn to enjoy the process of change as I experience it today.

And so it continues...

It's pretty nonstop here at the Moore household. Last week I got word that my eldest brother, Ken, was in the ICU with severe pancreatitis brought on by a gall stone that had become lodged in his system, blocking his liver function. His digestive system basically shut down, and he was unable to eat anything, subsisting on IV saline alone for about 4 days. My sister was down there helping care for him that week, and the day after she left, I flew down to take over. He was home, but not very mobile, so I was doing laundry, cooking meals, and generally keeping him company. By the time I left 5 days later, he seemed to be doing much better, but was still in a fair amount of pain, distended belly, and various portions of his endocrine system were still swollen and not working at capacity. The day after I got home, he was back at the doctor getting more tests and x-rays, and potentially re-entering the hospital. I have not heard from him since his x-rays yesterday and am keeping my fingers crossed.

More lighthearted bits and bobs after the jump, I promise.

Catching up a little...

Obviously, I have been in hibernation mode lately. I am sorry, dear readers, for being absent. I honestly had no idea how many readers, and how far flung my readership was, until I got that little widget guy on the left there. Wow! Thanks to all you anonymous readers who have been visiting and hanging in with me while my blog has been latent.

Catching up a little after the cut...

The Guest House

Many thanks to Paulette for sharing this wisdom in her most recent newsletter.

The Guest House


This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

-- Jelaluddin Rumi,
translation by Coleman Barks

The timing of critique.

Recently on an instructor discussion group, a fellow teacher asked a question about giving feedback to a student after a show

---

Question:
"I was recently at a student show put on by another instructor where one of my students performed in a group choreography. At the break she asked me what I thought. I told her that she was doing well with the choreography, obviously knew it, but she needed to get her eyes off the floor and look at the audience some.

She then told two of my other students that were there as spectators (when they all went out for a smoke) that I was criticizing her. Seriously, I didn't think I said anything that would be taken wrong but obviously I did.

I repeatedly tell my students when we start learning about performing in front of an audience not to stare at the ceiling for divine guidance or constantly look at the floor, so this is something that she has heard before, over and over and over.......

What should I have said or not said? If I wasn't asked I would have kept my mouth shut."

"Shay says:
I want to start by saying that I felt your feedback was perfectly appropriate and not at all overly critical. But I think the timing of it was what caused the issue.

Question for today...

What was the last thing you did/accomplished which made you truly proud?

Neruda...

Mom Moore has always loved Neruda, and instilled a love of it in her son, who found the sonnet below today. He hopes to include it in her memorial somehow, and I think it is simply perfect.

Rest in the care of Your Father's arms, Mom. We love you so dearly. Thank you for the inspiring example of selfless love and giving you demonstrated in every aspect of your life in the time I have known you. You gave more of yourself in your time on earth than many could muster in three lifetimes. You were truly a gift in this life, and will surely continue to be so in the life you now go to. Thank you for raising such an amazing son, who has become my best friend and true partner in life. Your unconditional love lives on in his sweet heart, and I feel so honored to be a part of your family.

"When I die, I want your hands on my eyes:
I want the light and wheat of your beloved hands
To pass their freshness over me once more:
I want to feel the softness that changed my destiny.


I want you to live while I wait for you, asleep,
I want your ears still to hear the wind, I want you
to sniff the sea's aroma that we loved together,
to continue to walk on the sand we walked on.


I want what I love to continue to live,
And you whom I love and sang above everything else
To continue to flourish, full flowered:


So that you can reach everything my love directs you to,
So that my shadow can travel along in your hair,
So that everything can learn the reason for my song!"

Sonnet 89
Pablo Neruda

The longest day of the year...

Today is supposed to be the longest day of the year. But I think yesterday was bucking for first place. Stephanie called early in the morning and told us to come over right away. We didn't get that message for three hours. Pat had woken up and was not responsive. Just staring. She refused food and water and pain meds all day long. She was still responding one-word answers to some things, and even put together short sentences in the morning, but by afternoon and evening wasn't speaking much at all.

Today she is aware/alert, but not saying anything. She is allowing water to keep her mouth wet, but still refusing to eat or drink. She can't really swallow anything right now anyway... Stephanie, Nathan, and Gina have been nonstop in their caring for her, even sleeping on the floor in her room last night to make sure she had someone nearby whenever she needed them.

Pat is surrounded by a lot of love right now. Friends and family coming by all day long, dropping off flowers and food and cards. We sat with her all day and night. We are back today by her bedside, trying to keep her comfortable, and saying the things we need to say.

It's understandably somber and quiet here. There isn't much to be done, so it's just *being here* that we can offer. And that is what we are doing...minute by minute, hour by hour, day by blessed day.

Friday, there you are...

It's Friday, and I am not sure where the week went. Time is flowing strangely right now. Some days fly by, and some hours seem to drag on forever. The sunshine is most welcome today. Started cleaning up the area where Chris' "outdoor kitchen" will live. Piles of leaves from past seasons, branches from the recent hedge-hacking, a bag of god-knows-what, trash, old cardboard...how did this all GET here?! UGH! Already it looks pretty good, but a long way to go yet. I have to pull up all the old cement pavers, pull up the rotten plastic the original owner put down, cut out all the shooters from the lilac bushes, re-level, then a new weed barrier, sand, and new pavers. Whew! Hoepfully I will get some more work done on that this weekend, if the weather holds.

Went for my visit with Mom Moore today. She says she was feeling a bit better today still. Every day she feels a little better. But she still can't get around well at all, sit up or lay down on her own, that sort of thing. The drugs really do a number on her, but she is talking more and even laughing a bit. I hope she is feeling significantly better by the time her birthday rolls around, on July 5th.

Today...and tomorrow and so on...

Today began as an adventure in entrelac knitting (see example to right, NOT my work, but a fine example). I have long wanted to try this technique, and since I wanted a little break from my lace shawl I am working on, it seemed a good time to take on some new techniques for kicks. Not only is this a chance to try the new effect, but it also gave me an excuse to try to learn reverse knitting. That is, learning to purl from the right side, eliminating the need to turn your work as frequently on a project such as this one which would require it constantly. So far so good, pics coming of my own work soon.

This afternoon was my first afternoon getting to take care of Pat, my Mother In Law. Chris' boss has graciously allowed him to take some personal time as needed to care for his Mom, so today he got to come with me while I started to learn some of the routines for Pat's comfort. My heart is breaking for everyone in Chris' family right now, and the prospect of volunteering for this heavy task was freaking me out, but I am truly honored to be trusted to be a part of the care of this amazing woman. As I told Pat today, my father didn't ask for help when he needed it most, so I didn't have a choice in caring for him in any way. In this I have a choice, and while it is hard on everyone to figure out the ins and outs (of course MOST of all Pat herself!!), it is a circle of trust and love and caring I am blessed to be a part of. I am thankful for being asked.

Road trip roundup

The trip to Bend was just what the doctor ordered. Being surrounded by love and laughter at a time when we need it most=happy, relaxed Shay and Chris. And despite Gretchen's complete inability to chill on the entire 6+ hour drive (she was very very stressed, panting, pacing the WHOLE TIME), once there she was a gem of a pup and it was awesome to have them both there to cuddle and be near. It relieves our stress to have their fur to run our fingers through, puppy kisses to collect, and general cuddles.

Our Gypsy Fire family is just an incredible bunch of women, and now we can include their hubbies and children in our glowing review. What a joy it was to meet them and get to know them a little. Quinn was a wonderful host, as we knew she would be, giving us time and space to find our groove, and being completely accommodating.

Bend itself is beautiful, and the weather turned incredibly sunny the day after we arrived. This allowed for dog park time, walks along the Deschutes river, delicious local organic food enjoyed on the deck, seeing Gypsy and Sister Fire perform at an outdoor bazaar, drinking local beers on the bar patio, and hot tub time under the awe-inspiring canopy of stars. Got some color on my skin, and some joy in my heart. We truly didn't want to leave.

Even the drive home held its delights. Quinn recommended a state park stopover on the trip home, which took us to a stunning view of red rock mesas and canyons--a popular rock-climbing area. After a short "hike" in the intense sunshine, our visit was topped off with fresh huckleberry ice cream in the shade of an accommodating tree.

We are already looking forward to a return trip, to spend time with our loved ones and to take in more of the outdoor activities we didn't have time and energy for on this trip.