The timing of critique.

Recently on an instructor discussion group, a fellow teacher asked a question about giving feedback to a student after a show

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Question:
"I was recently at a student show put on by another instructor where one of my students performed in a group choreography. At the break she asked me what I thought. I told her that she was doing well with the choreography, obviously knew it, but she needed to get her eyes off the floor and look at the audience some.

She then told two of my other students that were there as spectators (when they all went out for a smoke) that I was criticizing her. Seriously, I didn't think I said anything that would be taken wrong but obviously I did.

I repeatedly tell my students when we start learning about performing in front of an audience not to stare at the ceiling for divine guidance or constantly look at the floor, so this is something that she has heard before, over and over and over.......

What should I have said or not said? If I wasn't asked I would have kept my mouth shut."

"Shay says:
I want to start by saying that I felt your feedback was perfectly appropriate and not at all overly critical. But I think the timing of it was what caused the issue.

Question for today...

What was the last thing you did/accomplished which made you truly proud?

Neruda...

Mom Moore has always loved Neruda, and instilled a love of it in her son, who found the sonnet below today. He hopes to include it in her memorial somehow, and I think it is simply perfect.

Rest in the care of Your Father's arms, Mom. We love you so dearly. Thank you for the inspiring example of selfless love and giving you demonstrated in every aspect of your life in the time I have known you. You gave more of yourself in your time on earth than many could muster in three lifetimes. You were truly a gift in this life, and will surely continue to be so in the life you now go to. Thank you for raising such an amazing son, who has become my best friend and true partner in life. Your unconditional love lives on in his sweet heart, and I feel so honored to be a part of your family.

"When I die, I want your hands on my eyes:
I want the light and wheat of your beloved hands
To pass their freshness over me once more:
I want to feel the softness that changed my destiny.


I want you to live while I wait for you, asleep,
I want your ears still to hear the wind, I want you
to sniff the sea's aroma that we loved together,
to continue to walk on the sand we walked on.


I want what I love to continue to live,
And you whom I love and sang above everything else
To continue to flourish, full flowered:


So that you can reach everything my love directs you to,
So that my shadow can travel along in your hair,
So that everything can learn the reason for my song!"

Sonnet 89
Pablo Neruda

The longest day of the year...

Today is supposed to be the longest day of the year. But I think yesterday was bucking for first place. Stephanie called early in the morning and told us to come over right away. We didn't get that message for three hours. Pat had woken up and was not responsive. Just staring. She refused food and water and pain meds all day long. She was still responding one-word answers to some things, and even put together short sentences in the morning, but by afternoon and evening wasn't speaking much at all.

Today she is aware/alert, but not saying anything. She is allowing water to keep her mouth wet, but still refusing to eat or drink. She can't really swallow anything right now anyway... Stephanie, Nathan, and Gina have been nonstop in their caring for her, even sleeping on the floor in her room last night to make sure she had someone nearby whenever she needed them.

Pat is surrounded by a lot of love right now. Friends and family coming by all day long, dropping off flowers and food and cards. We sat with her all day and night. We are back today by her bedside, trying to keep her comfortable, and saying the things we need to say.

It's understandably somber and quiet here. There isn't much to be done, so it's just *being here* that we can offer. And that is what we are doing...minute by minute, hour by hour, day by blessed day.

Friday, there you are...

It's Friday, and I am not sure where the week went. Time is flowing strangely right now. Some days fly by, and some hours seem to drag on forever. The sunshine is most welcome today. Started cleaning up the area where Chris' "outdoor kitchen" will live. Piles of leaves from past seasons, branches from the recent hedge-hacking, a bag of god-knows-what, trash, old cardboard...how did this all GET here?! UGH! Already it looks pretty good, but a long way to go yet. I have to pull up all the old cement pavers, pull up the rotten plastic the original owner put down, cut out all the shooters from the lilac bushes, re-level, then a new weed barrier, sand, and new pavers. Whew! Hoepfully I will get some more work done on that this weekend, if the weather holds.

Went for my visit with Mom Moore today. She says she was feeling a bit better today still. Every day she feels a little better. But she still can't get around well at all, sit up or lay down on her own, that sort of thing. The drugs really do a number on her, but she is talking more and even laughing a bit. I hope she is feeling significantly better by the time her birthday rolls around, on July 5th.

Today...and tomorrow and so on...

Today began as an adventure in entrelac knitting (see example to right, NOT my work, but a fine example). I have long wanted to try this technique, and since I wanted a little break from my lace shawl I am working on, it seemed a good time to take on some new techniques for kicks. Not only is this a chance to try the new effect, but it also gave me an excuse to try to learn reverse knitting. That is, learning to purl from the right side, eliminating the need to turn your work as frequently on a project such as this one which would require it constantly. So far so good, pics coming of my own work soon.

This afternoon was my first afternoon getting to take care of Pat, my Mother In Law. Chris' boss has graciously allowed him to take some personal time as needed to care for his Mom, so today he got to come with me while I started to learn some of the routines for Pat's comfort. My heart is breaking for everyone in Chris' family right now, and the prospect of volunteering for this heavy task was freaking me out, but I am truly honored to be trusted to be a part of the care of this amazing woman. As I told Pat today, my father didn't ask for help when he needed it most, so I didn't have a choice in caring for him in any way. In this I have a choice, and while it is hard on everyone to figure out the ins and outs (of course MOST of all Pat herself!!), it is a circle of trust and love and caring I am blessed to be a part of. I am thankful for being asked.

Road trip roundup

The trip to Bend was just what the doctor ordered. Being surrounded by love and laughter at a time when we need it most=happy, relaxed Shay and Chris. And despite Gretchen's complete inability to chill on the entire 6+ hour drive (she was very very stressed, panting, pacing the WHOLE TIME), once there she was a gem of a pup and it was awesome to have them both there to cuddle and be near. It relieves our stress to have their fur to run our fingers through, puppy kisses to collect, and general cuddles.

Our Gypsy Fire family is just an incredible bunch of women, and now we can include their hubbies and children in our glowing review. What a joy it was to meet them and get to know them a little. Quinn was a wonderful host, as we knew she would be, giving us time and space to find our groove, and being completely accommodating.

Bend itself is beautiful, and the weather turned incredibly sunny the day after we arrived. This allowed for dog park time, walks along the Deschutes river, delicious local organic food enjoyed on the deck, seeing Gypsy and Sister Fire perform at an outdoor bazaar, drinking local beers on the bar patio, and hot tub time under the awe-inspiring canopy of stars. Got some color on my skin, and some joy in my heart. We truly didn't want to leave.

Even the drive home held its delights. Quinn recommended a state park stopover on the trip home, which took us to a stunning view of red rock mesas and canyons--a popular rock-climbing area. After a short "hike" in the intense sunshine, our visit was topped off with fresh huckleberry ice cream in the shade of an accommodating tree.

We are already looking forward to a return trip, to spend time with our loved ones and to take in more of the outdoor activities we didn't have time and energy for on this trip.

Road Trip

Today, we're gettin' the hell outta Dodge. That's right, it's Road Trip Time.

We're heading down to Bend to spend some time with friends, get away from the everyday reality/life/crap, and just try and relax. Chris and I haven't taken a road trip in a shockingly long time, though I have taken many with other girlfriends over the years. I am looking forward to taking one with my best friend starting this afternoon. :)

This will be the first road trip for our dogs, however! We would always have Chris' Mom doggie-sit for us when we went anyplace, and that not being an option for this trip, it's an opportunity to give them an adventure and see how they do. It will be 6+ hours in the car each way, plus staying in a strange house, with two other dogs to boot. I am confident Loki will be the gem he always is--he is St. Loki, I swear. But Gretchen...she is a Bitch. And fancies herself Alpha much of the time. So going to another house with another Alpha Bitch...let's just say she may spend much of her day in a crate and on a leash. Which is fine by me. She could use a little extra socialization and humbling. ;)

It's also nice to think that we will have them with us when we go to bed at night. That is always one of the hardest things when we travel. When the action of the day is through, and we're crawling into bed, we almost without fail make some comments about how we wish our dogs were there to cuddle. It's just not "good night" without our fingers running through black fur and scritching pink bellies, and receiving the requisite puppy kisses. So having that on this trip is a joy.

So what's on the agenda for the weekend? Eating, drinking, hot tubbing, laughing, dog-cuddling, sleeping, repeat.

A little something every day...

In the past year, I have been taking some workshops in book writing, as I have a couple books in my head waiting to get out. And one of the top things I run into everywhere I go is "Start a blog, write something EVERY day." Which inspires me to ponder, as I am sure anyone faced with this challenge rightfully would, "What the hell am I going to write about every day that anyone is going to want to read?" I do a pretty good job on a bi-monthly writing regimen, and have even been known to write some gems weekly for a stretch. But daily?!

So I suppose this is a word of warning to my regular readers: things might be a bit mundane at times, trite, brief, and even meaningless...but you will see me writing every day* regardless of whether any sort of inspiration has struck yours truly.

Luckily, my blog is already set up to be easily filtered by topic. So if you come here just to read about dance, or just about costume and make-up tips, or something of that nature, you can click on one of the links at the top of the page and see if there is anything new tagged with those topics. But if you're a glutton for punishment, and just want to read whatever drivel happens to turn up on the front page, you're in luck! There will be a lot more drivel!

I have even created a tag for it. When I am not writing about anything in particular, I will tag it "daily drivel". There. All set, eh?

*There will be days when I will not be near a computer for whatever reason, and we can just give me a pass those days, shall we?

I'm not fine...but I will be!

My friend Arya has a wonderful blog that I pop over to read now and again. Today, I caught up on a past post where she mused about the word "fine". What struck me was this portion of it:

"Fred: "Oh, hello, Alma. I haven't seen you in so long. How are you?"

Alma: "Hi Fred. I'm fine. How 'bout yourself?"

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Does the above greeting sound familiar? Have you been Fred or Alma - either on the receiving or giving end of a "fine"?
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The truly sad thing about the overused "fine" is that it is usually a lie. A flat-out lie (just read the links above to read various definitions). Usually, everything about the person saying they're fine tells us otherwise. Alma looks disheveled. Her skin is waxy and her eyes have dark rings. She seems to sag, as if drained. And yet, when asked by a friend how she's doing, she tells him "fine". She could simply say, "Oh, Fred. I'm having a tough time right now. I appreciate you asking how I'm doing, but I don't feel like talking about it." She could be honest without going into details, "I'm not well, but I'll be okay." Somehow we, as a culture, have all become "fine" even when we're not."

My thoughts after the jump...